Post 8: Envy is an illusion.

I have had two wishes, the first was to speak Japanese, the second to learn how to code.

My desire to learn Japanese came out of the suffering and the pain I experienced when I was working in a Japanese company. I couldn't interact with anyone not even add value to the organization in the way I wanted, I had a few friends from Latin America living in Japan that also speak Japanese and I saw them as a very intelligent people for having something that I didn't have and the truth was that I began to envy people who had what I did not have.

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own" Harold Coffin

My other desire to learn how to code began when I founded a tourism company with the aim of connecting Latin America with Asia, a year after it was founded, COVID-19 arrived and it was very sad to see how everything collapsed when each of my clients canceled there reservations and requested there refund. I was suffering trying to survive and not lose the efforts made since I started the company. However, I was curious to see how the pandemic benefit technology-based companies which grew from 2X to 5X and some even more. It was when I started to envy not being able to program.

Today looking back I think envy is an illusion. The part of the person that I was envy did not exist without the rest of that person. I just envied not being able to speak Japanese, I didn't want to have their work, I didn't want to have their family or their thoughts just the Japanese. The same happened with programming, I do not envy the life of a CEO of a technology company of his family, just the fact that I could not code. I'd love to be Elon Musk, but would I be ok with multiple divorces? maybe not.

"Envy is the tax which all distinction must pay" Ralph Waldo Emerson

I realize that we only want to cherry pick which parts of that person we envy. If we aren’t willing to trade places with them completely - their life, their body, their thoughts, their family - then there is nothing to be envious about.

I don't really know if envy is good or bad. However, from my experience envy can be useful in understanding our own desires, awareness of which can lead to quicker development and growth. I was suffering for not speaking Japanese and later in life for not knowing how to program, your wishes and realities are surely different but the true is suffering is the moment where we see the reality exactly as it is, and that is a good thing because if we want to improve we must start with the truth.

What is your truth?